hola

happy cinco de mayo!

i can't seep. its 6 in the morning and i cannot fall asleep. i mean its monday, sure but you'd think that my recent lack of sleep would lead me to at least TRY and catch up whilst i can. alas, i am not. so i'm hoping that sitting here typing away at my computer will either wake me up a ton or force me to realize that i need sleep in order to function or do the hours and hours of homework that i'll be catching up on throughout this wonderful spring day.

so its been a while. what's new?

the musical. was amazing. and i will miss the cast like no other. you will not understand what it feels like to be a part of that cast until you have BEEN a part of that cast. the parties arent even the half of it. they're so accepting and interesting and hilarious and sexual and intelligent and creative. i could go on for hours. fern :( i will definitely cry at graduation. i'm more close to the senior class than i am to the junior class. although it should really be the other way around for my benefit, its not.

i'm running for secretary of student council. fun. i'm up against alex kuwada. blah.

futures. i don't suck as much this year, though i still suck somewhat. i have sunburn and there are two weeks until regionals. poor rocci. i'll have to tell her i can't sing at moonwinks. :DD YES.

i started voice lessons with wendy bloom. i'm totally pumped. she's so well known and really nice. i think i'll learn a lot.

in choir there is a small group of us singing down to the river to pray. YAY. i've had it stuck in my head ever since i saw oh brother where art thou and i cant believe they ACTUALLY took my idea to sing it for our little group. the thing is, i don't know if mr. c knows i had anything to do with the decision. i think he's mad at me. but i'm sure he's not.

Why am i not tired yet? i have a lot on my mind. a lot. and no one in our grade likes each other and that bugs the shit out of me. yeah right we're a tight knit class. and i'm not saying i'm not guilty of being a part of this. its just that we act so nice to each other then bash each other all over the place.

its freezing in my room. i think i'm catching my dad's cold.

i hate comma splices.

its hard not being able to tell your best friends what's going on in your life.

mmm mmm life

diving into you
midway through i look ahead
nothing to catch me

dude. life. wow. its surreal. it really is.

people. what they do, what they say. it seems like everything has just been intensified so much. amazing speeches. deep talks. an interesting turn of events.

every other day seems happy. its kind of scary. one day i'm feeling great and the next day i come home in a bitchy mood or about to burst into tears. its insane.

lists! i love them. heres what's happening.

-no more boyfriend.
-no more drivers ed
-no new boyfriends for a long time.
-that doesn't mean i wont be diana.
-new friends. or new people i've gotten to know recently
-CAYMAN NEXT SATRDAY. kenna, i will forever be grateful.
-why is it spelled like that and not greatfull?
-whoa haha something interesting just happened
-joe wants to see my emo side, so when i get back i'm dressing like that for a day.
-remember me in 7th grade?
-i just drank 30 ounces of water.
-that reminds me.i cant convert that into cups or anything.
-softball? yes or no.
-musical. i'm excited.
-bathing suit shopping tomorrow
-aaron did well at his last big meet- 2nd place in the all around!
-webster school in livonia burned down. going to meet with old teachers and do a drive. help?
-GAH THE WATERS GETTING TO ME BRB.
-and i'm thirsty again. wtf. like really thirsty.
-i'm fullly aware that this is too much information
-i love latin. best class. my TC [yes, nina.] :)
-john got me a cute bday present. thoughtful.
-yay spirit week. the freshman did surprisingly well.
-voodoo went well. i love fern.
-everything is about weight loss these days.
-i just did a science experiment with my tea. ask me for details.
-snl. funnnyyy stuff
-YEAH OBAMA. --> al got me a t-shirt. i love it.
-winter formal with chamness was great. i like him a lot. funny guy.
-i have really attractive friends.
-i might start tutoring someone. i'm actually pretty excited.
-house is scary. like the tv show.
-finish later

FOR MY BIRTHDAY I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO WRITE ME A LETTER.
it doesnt matter how long, or how personal. just anything.
thanks to meghna, nina, josh for last year.
thank you to melanie for this year. and josh. and john.

twice in 2 days!

how unlike me. antibiotics starting to kick in. oops i should have taken them a while ago... listening to old bands that i used to love. loving them again. i should go back into my alternative/coolkid phase :] tried on a dress from graduation last year. gotta wear it to cayman so i'll be laying off the cookies for the next month. kick me if you see me eating too much shit. driving tomorrow. i feel out of the loop and i've only been absent twice. grr. not writing my whole essay for english.. i dont have my notes with me. but i get the latin for once! it cool. usually when i write in here i've had some great realization. not the case.. maybe tonight i'll think of something. i've never been so tired. seriously. yesterday i slept for.. 14 hours? considering i usually sleep for like 7 tops, thats quite a lot. neeed to go shopping for a winter formal dress. . oops. does anyone else? maybe we can go next weekend.

well, meghna has inspired me to update.

-CAYMAN CAYMAN CAYMAN.
-sick. its been a long time since i've been in such pain.
-raw tofu. so good.
- winter formals making people crazy. apparently.
-drivers ed. I WANT IT TO BE OVER.
-wherever mr. posante is, i hope he's happy. i keep replaying that moment outside the theatre in my head.
-i cant see people cry and not cry.
-OUUCHH ahhasodfiskdfj antibiotics messing up my stomach.
-voodoo. come see it.
-i'm not a very fun adolescent, says mater.
-watching freshman year on hbo.
-i'm sort of confused.

those magic words[iloveyou.imeanit]

i've decided to keep private private. sorry guys.

you'll never know what you did to me

oh gosh. whats up guys? life has been unreal lately. unreal like some sort of deranged soap opera. for the most part, i'll write about it in my **private blog** but i seriously doubt i'll actually say half of what i want to. ah well. if i say anything it'll be pretty cryptic [didnt you just love mr. jones' civics class?].

numero uno- i got a letter from an old friend that basically made my day. i nearly cried i was so happy/touched. it was 13 pages long with the smallest, neatest handwriting possible. and i'm going to spend my free time for the next 2 weeks collecting things to send and replying. i dont care how weird you people think i am- it means a lot.

number two- yesterday was thanksgiving. this was my first year without potatoes and second without turkey. was good though. i love brussel sprouts, nut loaf, and stuffing. thats basically what i had. thanksgiving's normally one of my favorite holidays. this year was different though. didnt seem like a holiday at all. today i went shopping with my cousin who's staying with us. my aunt gave me 100 dollars to blow on myself, but i ended up getting my brother some hanukkah presents. what was fun though was thanksgiving night. after dinner i took my new camera- OH I GOT A NEW CAMERA AND I LOVE IT- and took pictures of her and myself. i wanted some of me up in the air, but it was difficult. it resulted in many weird looking pictures that you can find on facebook.

number 3- um. is it possible that i cant think of anything to post? theres so much on my mind, yet i've realized that theres so much that the world really shouldnt see.

#4- i'm feeling a lot more confident recently. i'm not sure what it is.

but speaking of realizing things.
-i've realized how lucky i am. how lucky we all are. how what happens in a chat room in 9th grade won't matter when you're twenty. heck, i'll probably only keep in touch with a few friends from high school, and the ones that i keep in touch with wont be the ones who spread nasty rumors about me or my friends.
-i've realized how you having a razor phone doesnt make the conversation you have any better.
-i've realized what they chose to do doesnt make them a bad person unless they mean to make someone else miserable. let it go already. if someones making the best of the time they have to make it the best, let them be.
-dont be jealous. be proud of those who accomplish what you want to accomplish. they worked for it too.
- i've realized that it pays to be nice to your parents. took me long enough
- i've realized that when you tell yourself you have a problem, chances are you really don't.

dude i had a near death experience in the car on the way to pick up my cuz from the airport. this car was coming off of a ramp and spun into traffic. really fast. the driver had no control. it was literally a few feet away from crashing into us. but also in the car ride i sang christmas carols with my dad and aaron. i've decided i really like hanging with my bro. we're friends. he's also amazing at gymnastics- his first ever level 5 meet and he gets two gold medals. wtf? too bad i'll miss his big columbus meet. I'LL BE IN CAYMAN WITH MCKENNA FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!! WOO!!! i got my passport- i'm all set to go!

Running: the most beneficial source of fiber.

and boy am i addicted. thank god i'm well enough to work out again. i've been craving it like mad. neeeee. runner's high.

today was an ok day, considering it was a Z day.
-turns out i didnt miss more than one assignment in math. and dr. baveja is very helpful. i cant believe u guys dropped her class, if you did. shes one of my favorite teachers.
-once again, reed kraft is king.
-the french singer was talented, but the show was geared more towards the younger portion of the audience.
-al ran into a pole. enough said.
-it snowed!!! :D yayyyy. <- i'm excited.
-alec and i in biology class. THATS WHAT SHE SAID.
-i've been seeing even more latin roots in words than ever before. i feel so smart!
-tehe. that one person. makes me all smiley. and is helpful when it comes to geometry homework. unlike those who filled the position prior to him. not that that was an issue, this is just a plus.
-oh mr. blow.
-i've been getting dehydrated too easily.
-today i realized that i've subconsciously memorized the prologue to romeo and juliet. cool, huh?

two households both alike in dignity
(infair varona where we lay our scene)
from ancient grudge break to new mutiny
where civil blood makes civil hands unclean
from forth the fatal loynes of these two foes
a pair of star crossed lovers take their life
whose misadventured pittious overthrows
doth with their death, burry their parents' strife...